Ugh

WARNING DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH OR ARE PREGNANT AND EXPERIENCING MORNING SICKNESS. REALLY DONT READ IF YOU ARE A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY OR ACTUALLY KNOW ME IN REAL LIFE. DO NOT READ EVEN IF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN A PIC OF ME.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO YOU EITHER MENTALLY OR EMOTIONALLY IF YOU READ BEYOND THIS POINT.

Well I have decided to do a fan dance to raise some money. (not for charity, just to raise some money). I have been practicing in front of a full length mirror for some time (would never do anything with the Scum. Oops mean Sun) and have made myself a cheeky little thong from bits of cycle inner tube and bacofoil.
I have mastered the ‘twerk’ and have ensured my Lord Garden (male version of Lady Garden) has been trimmed with the finely honed skills perfected over generations of a master topographer. My chest and back hair are platted in true nordic style.
Due to the added elasticity the rubber within the thong provides, along with a little vulcan rubber glue, I have been able to shape my rather grand overhang into a more than passable sculpture of that iconic American Landmark, Mount Rushmore. I have however replaced Homer Simpsons head with that of Buffoon Boris, purely due to a huge clump of straight blonde hair I did not have the heart to immac (now called Veet, I am told) away.
I have done this purely by reshaping my ample belly skin and have not used body paint or tattoos.
Sadly given my mobility issues I have had to rethink the pole dance section of my act. Its now a ladder dance, where I pose in new positions upon each step. Number eight is definitely worth waiting for.
There will be a brief interlude during the performance to facilitate the effects of my Crohns and Diabetes. I can assure you all this is an essential break under audience health and safety given that I will be wearing the rubber and bacofoil thong. (Think the worlds most terrible water cannon and a mud slide.)
Anyway if all goes well upon the night I shall be able to buy myself a plane ticket to South Africa for the winter.
Right now you have read this far I just want to inform you I now stock a full range of Acme Brain Bleach. Only £9.99 a litre.
Thanks for reading, hope you don’t have nightmares,
Jonesy.

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Jonesy, just a human.

It's 8yrs since I started this blog. now in 2026 I am 59, and already medically retired due to chronic ill health. This site sets out my frustrations of how I see our country and world, and how I truly believe it needs to change. I now absolutely believe democracy is either broken or a cruel hoax that was designed to keep society in its place, undrt the rule of what now we call The Establishment. Iam still at time of writing this a SWE Registered Social Worker. I am unable to work but use my experience to aid and assist others pro bono. In Lockdown I set up Vunteer Riders UK, we sourced, manufactured, delivered PPE throughout the pandemic, in excess of WHO standards, we got over 10,000,000 (10 million) pieces and sets out completely free of charge. Not a single penny changed hands. So when I see the corruption in The House of Commons and The House of Lords in regard to the Pandemic, I feel infuriated.

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