Price of hate

Nobody has the right to deliberately take the life of another. Life is our most precious gift. Life should come before money, power or politics. Life as far as we know happens but once to us, we all have our own beliefs but all we can prove is our hear and now.
Now there is a caveat to that. If someone is intending to take the life or seriously injure another by their deliberate action then at that moment they have forfeited their right to life. In that split second that person has given permission for their life to be taken by another.
Now I have children, if anyone ever harmed them I would do everything in my power to visit retribution upon the true offender. And yes that may result in my voluntarily giving up my right to continued life. As a parent I would have no other option nor will.
Now yesterday a person that we currently believe had but a politically fuelled motive deliberately killed people who were going about their own lives. These people were sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and friends.
The person that did this at the point of instigation gave up his right to life. He did this as an individual, he likely believed he had reason, justification or the like, he may even have seen himself as some soldier of god, of a prophet, of his religion, culture, race or even political belief, but he targeted people that were non combatants in whatever war he was convinced he was fighting.
It is not known yet – to us at least – whether he was a lone gun or part of a bigger group. It is likely whatever his motives he was an extremist and had been convinced by circumstance or through the influence of others that he had this right.
He did not. The people he killed and injured were not his enemies. They may live as citizens of a nation that has bombed his family, killed his children, invaded his homeland, attacked his culture, waged war upon his village, town, country or region. These people may belong to a nation that supplies weapons that kill and maim, be part of a coalition that seeks to control and rule regions of the world for their own gain, but these people were not. Political representatives, warriors, or even decision makers. They were human beings whose only crime against this individual likely was their ignorance of actions that continue to be taken in their name under the false flag of ‘democracy and civilisation’.
None of these people deserved to die and this individual and if aided his accomplices have given up their own rights to life if found holding a weapon. If any are captured and found guilty then they should never see the light of day again. No ‘light sentencing’ or chance of ‘parole’. Life should absolutely be life. They made that choice.
Those killed and injured in this horrible attack have my total compassion and thoughts. I am truly sorry any human being has to feel the pain of losing someone they care for. No one should ever experience that due to deliberate actions of another.
This horror however cannot be allowed to focus more hate upon the Islamic people. I know a number of Muslims and they too will see the actions of this individual as abhorrent. They too will accept he gave up his right to life. They will condemn him as strongly as you or I. Because someone has a different belief, culture or skin than you does not make them evil, dangerous or your enemy. We are all people, we all feel pain, anguish and despair. We also all love, care and cherish.
People say to me ‘muslims are rude’. Well not in my experience, most of the time they are far more polite than me. They welcome us into their homes and will feed us before we leave. Not many of my mates do that.
They do often however walk around trying not to attract attention or even with false bravado, making themselves appear strong and confident, feigning the fight response of ‘fight or flight’ but if you were the target of hate that was openly promoted in the media, on social media and even by government, if you had no trust in those paid to support and even protect you, were living in a country where even though you were born here the majority see you as an immigrant, someone not belonging, the undeclared ‘enemy’, where you live in constant fear of attack, verbal or physical, wouldn’t you either be scared or pretend to be tougher than you are? I bloody would!
So the point being do not let this or any attack make you believe that hate is right, that you are justified in being abusive, cruel or violent. You are not.
Our country is acting as the world ‘police’ on the tail of America right now, our government are encouraging and involved in sales of weapons to anyone who can afford them in the Middle East, often arming both sides. We signed an agreement to end the use of land mines after the death of Dianna, but although we officially no longer use them we do still happily sell them. (the use of ‘we’ is the British Government and business’ ). We supply aircraft to one side then ground to air missiles to the other. Then once the money dries up we along with our allies (including vile oppressive regimes such as Saudi Arabia) go on the rampage ourselves, bombing and invading in the name of freedom. The only thing we actually make free is the resources of that region to ourselves.
We as a nation are not ‘good people’. In fact we likely are on the opposite side to ‘good’ these days, however it is hard to see that. We are brainwashed and influenced by everything from adverts to soaps, news papers to even the so called ‘free press’, which includes the extremely biased BBC.
We are told the weak and vulnerable are no longer those we should fight for, but those we need to fight against.
Now I can tell you this until I am blue in the face, but you need to look for yourselves, take an interest in the world around us, see the true enemy, those that want to dominate and control even us, they are not just Muslim, Hindu, jewish, or Christian, the real enemy is not a religion at all, its those that lie to us, that undertake cruel and horrible actions in our name, that have no compassion, whose god is greed. You know who these people are.
So again, violent death was an appropriate end to the perpetrator of yesterdays vile attack, none of those killed or injured deserved it in any way, my heart is with them and their loved ones. That is simple and absolute.
But do not allow that one piece of offal influence hate within you. Hate him, and his actions for he deserves that, but do not hate a people for his behaviour, or that of any extremists. Extremist is not representative. We all know that is why its called extreme.
Thanks for reading my words.


Loneliness is a pain beyond compare

That knowing no one will be there

It hurts so deep within my aching breast

No longer can one fathom what may be best

Would it be better for me to rid all my ties

Just disappear with no protracted goodbyes

Live whats left as some well hidden hermit

Hide without licence or any camping permit

For no longer can I feasibly stand this pain

Sitting in a darkened room listening to rain

Time only marked by my slowing heart beat

Wishing it woult stop leaving just my meat

My life

My illness’ and disabilities are hidden. Most of the time when you see me you might look at me and think ‘he is not ill’ or ‘he is cheating the system’ or ‘he is a lazy bastard’. You know what on my good days, the only days you are likely to see me I perhaps would look in the mirror and agree.
What you do not see are the majority of my days where I may only move from bed to couch, if at all, where I have to almost crawl to the toilet, where I do not dare to bath or shower in case I get stuck. You do not see me fall off the toilet, you do not see me burn my food or leave the cooker on. You do not see me dehydrate not only because I cannot get up to make a drink but also because I am scared I will not have the energy to get to the toilet afterwards.
You do not see that I have a wheel chair, for on the days I need to use it I cannot because I have no energy to push myself along and will not because I have some twisted sense of dignity.
You do not see me awake all night because my skin cannot stand the rough touch of my duvet or the feel of the bobbling on a flannel sheet. Where cotton sheets feel like blunt razor blades cutting into me.
You do not see the mix of lava and ice that flows through my veins concurrently, making constant rivers of pain in my limbs and torso.
You do not see the ice that I am sure has developed throughout my feet and takes four hours to thaw out when I go to bed.
You do not see the fear I feel when people visit unannounced because of the shame I then feel at the mess because I have not been able to tidy up. Nor do you see the physical effort it takes for me to even answer the door or to make a cup of tea.
You do not see the constant thoughts of paranoia that someone will judge me to be a fraud on a good day so I then do not go out ‘just in case’.
You do not see the boredom or frustration at being in the house for days or even weeks on end due to my illness’ nor the feelings of being a prisoner.
You do not see the shame I have at claiming benefits after a lifetime of working, the anger at myself for being useless, for being pathetic and weak.
You do not see the horror of having to take meds each morning, the build up and reluctance.
You do not see the loss of value, self respect or hope I currently experience.
You do not see the breathlessness at the slightest effort, the worry of relationships because of the fear that health and meds mean I can no longer guarantee and erection. The inability to orgasm due to loss of feeling and the worry. The despair at my weight gain due to meds and inability to exercise. The way my penis looks because I had to have a circumcision due to diabetes. The bruising on my stomach and thighs because of injections.
You do not see my wheezing and panic because of my COPD and Asthma.
You do not see the nerve damage that causes pain and numbness in my feet, hands and legs due to Neuropathy.
You do not see the anxiety I feel each day that my money will be stopped or I wont be able to pay a bill.
You do not see the shame I feel when my ex wife calls me a cripple and tells me to limp off and die, claims my children see me as a joke (untrue as they do not) and tells me it is her and her new husband that are their real parents.
You do not see the anguish I feel facing people that were once friends.
You do not see my isolation, my loss of self.
You may see me on my crutches or with my stick. But you will not see the reason why.
You do not see my guilt of feeling like I do when so many are worse off and often fighting vile diseases for their very lives.
My illness’ are Fibromyalgia, Diabetes type two but insulin controlled), Neuropathy, Crohns disease, Asthma, Depression and Anxiety, COPD, SVT (heart) and several complications and side effects. I take meds that destroy my immune system so am susceptible to illness and virus.

The reason I have written this is to show how I cope or dont. Very few days go by where I do not think about just overdosing on my insulin. How easy it would be. There are times I have been a little blasé at regulating my doses but then I realise I am a parent and do not have that choice.
The Government are sanctioning people every day, stopping benefits and forcing them into poverty, desperation and yes suicide. Then the media, Channel 4, Channel 5, Sky and now the BBC in particular try to convince everyone that people that can walk, talk or that try to live rather than exist cannot be disabled. They try to get you to despise them. I can tell you I gave up a job earning very good money, a job that really made a difference in peoples lives, where I had self worth and value, I gave that up to live on benefits and be isolated in a council retirement bungalow at 49. Do you really believe that is through choice? Do you think I want to be ill? To feel useless and without any value? I am not saying I am without value but truly feel as such.
I am no worse off than others and much better than many. I do have my kids, and even though often a fractious relationship with other family I do have them.
I also have so many on here I call friend. But sadly far less locally. Those I do have I value beyond words and they know who they are.
So please when your judging people realise we judge ourselves far more, just because you do not see a disability or illness does not mean it is not there. I never expected to be like this. I have had to realise there is so much I wanted to do that I no longer can. Even simple things like walking on Bleaklow or Kinder again, using my push bike. Daft stuff. Things I took for granted.
So before you judge maybe ask, talk and discuss. I am not unique or special. My words fit many but even more peoples stories are far far worse.
Think about it.