Camels back

I need to break away from life at this moment.

Tonight almost flooded bathroom as forgot taps on, almost poured milk in bin rather than tea, put hot water in cordial twice, pain all day. Bed day mostly.

On tues Atos. That is making me quite suicidal to be honest.
Then a speeding ticket, loss of faith in humanity, both nationally and personally.

I have managed to survive with little money, because done very little, however I kinda feel out of control of life.
Yep probably being seen as moaning by a few. If you don’t like it bog off then. I actually don’t care much if pissing folk off right now. Not even that sure why still on here.
I know mostly little things but the atos crap is stopping me seeing any future. The other shit is now building up. Not sure where the last straw is but currently it seems so very close.
Looking around my home and I no longer see possessions, memories or cherished things, just hurdles and hinderence.

I am no longer able to relax, to feel belonging, just pain, upset and ire. A grey wall building. Cannot sleep at night but shattered all day. No clear thoughts. Can’t really do conversation without getting confused, frustrated and irritable. Continuously feeling like screaming louder and louder til lungs burst but no energy to even whimper.

Resisting urges to …… Well resisting.

This is my world as I type. Will tomorrow be a new day, another day, a last day? Truly I have no idea.

No written for pity, nor for attention just clarity.

No hugs please, no concern, just please realise how bad our country truly is right now. How cruel the state are being. And again I am not the worst off, many of them already have gone.

Jonesy