My hate

Why am I frustrated? Angry? Pissed off? Suicidal? Maybe because all my life choices have gone and my life is marginalised as are those of so many others. I no longer count. I pretend I can keep going but do not think will be for much longer. This is no longer my world! Not my reality. Chance of ever thriving now zilch and no longer prepared to just exist.
I could earn my keep. I worked hard to get my career. I was damn good at it.
I hate not working. I hate not coping. I hate constant pain. I hate spending a day trying to live then paying for it ten times over with all my reserves. I hate breaking down, i hate not remembering, I hate collapsing, I hate not being able to be comfortable, I hate not being able to bear clothes or sheets on my skin, I hate pity, I hate guilt, I hate accusations, I hate having to claim the entitlements we work for, I hate society, I hate now, I hate that I am full of hate, I hate me!
Make sense? Does to me.
No pity or ‘hugs’, do not say chin up, man up, pull yerself together! Do not minimise my grief for the future I planned, the past I lost!
Don’t like me posting this? Me neither, but its letting it out right now or …….. So feel free to move on, you don’t need to read my words, to comment or respond. No one owes me anything. The world owes me nought. My debts cannot be paid.
Jonesy