Life

On top of physical health am fighting depression brought about by life changes, pain, immobility, constant exhaustion, not being able to socialise and not getting out. My bad days are bed bound or at best housebound. Having more of them than not. My good days are also pretty housebound with only a trip to shop to break monotony.
I am ok in myself at this moment as in functioning but been a few times of late where i haven’t and came close to looking at ‘other options’, a thought process constantly at the back of my mind.
I had planned a few trips this year but pretty much had to cancel them all.
Holding several insulin pens in hand can give one ideas. However the thought that I am a dad has so far pulled me through.
I have spoken to GP and counsellor but not helped much. Dealing with a fair bit myself and been trying to help others but in doing so what has been left of my stamina seeps away.
Truly cannot take much more. Will still be a friend when I can but things truly do need to change. Depression and anxiety were not issues for me prior to physical illness, well not upon this level. They go hand in hand with my conditions, but family issues, the assaults, further health issues with no good outcomes, money issues (not destitute so please do not offer as I know some will) and other issues within my life, including feeling valueless are destroying me.
I know folk will want to reply with kind words, offers and deeds but I truly do not want that. All I want is to feel respected, to be seen, be heard, be accepted, maybe valued and to be allowed to live when I can. Is that too much for any human to want?
Simon