The world

Friday 12th August 2016. Well it is if you adhere to the modern Roman Calender. If you don’t its now.
I feel devastated that people are dying across our world daily it seems, through war and terrorism, yet its only reported if they are ‘western’ in origin. Its as if you don’t live or get born into a ‘civilised’ (using that word deliberately as its how we in Britain are educated to think of the ‘Western’ nations even now) nation then your life is worthless.
We look at pictures of people in Africa dying in poverty, children starving to death, mass graves of Rwanda where their own leaders sanction mass murder and ethnic cleansing, Syria where our forces are bombing innocent people, killing thousands, we see these images and ignore them.
We trust our ‘leaders’ to do the ‘right’ thing. We believe ourselves to be the ‘goodies’ and all others the ‘baddies’.
We see people fleeing death whether through war, violence, famine or starvation as ‘dangerous’ the ‘enemy’ as desperate.
We know they are people, accept they bleed, feel and die, but do not believe they are the same as us. We believe they cannot love their kids, their partners, their parents in the same way as we do.
This used to be almost restricted to peoples skin colour but now with even European countries being in turmoil its anyone that hails from poorer countries. Whatever their colour, religion, culture or creed.
What you all seem to have forgotten however is how the world works. How things change with such rapidity. How we now are the fourth or fifth richest country, a hundred years ago we were the richest. Dubai was one of the poorest. 200yrs ago the USA was our colony.
Currently the UK has limited resources, little industry and our economy over the last 40yrs has been more and more made up of people selling off our assets to raise capital to then use that to speculate on international stock markets. We get involved in wars still for power (no longer called Imperialism but exactly the same just with less visible strings to our puppets).
We are not as a nation affable, friendly, pleasant, good, or often even right. We are oppressive, violent, greedy, corrupt, underhand, and pretty vile. I say we for it is ‘we’ that allow this to happen in our name. It is ‘we’ that ignore it, that turn away from the truth. We support these ongoing vile actions by our continued inaction.
Does your life matter more than that of a Syrian man? Only to you and yours. Do not think you really matter more to those that rule and lead our country. You do not. Your life only matters if you become a Public Relations issue.
Our leaders see you and me as we see those poor refugees, the see us as a herd, that they can graze upon to feed their wealth and power.
If you or your loved ones are poor, on a low wage, unemployed or disabled you already may suspect this. Programs on the Establishment owned TV channels like ‘Benefits Britain’ ‘Jeremy Kyle’……. the list goes on are designed to make the middle majority view the poor not as vulnerable human beings but as corrupt, wicked and lazy. A drain on the country. We are taught that the Elderly are not to be respected but once have stopped working are damaging our economy. We are told this by billionaires and believe it!
The real reality is life is life. If you are a human being you are the same as the next one. Whether you drive a Porsche or live on the streets your life should mean as much as anyone else’s. Sadly though we are not allowed to think that. We cannot teach that. We cannot promote that.
Difference in our world is wrong. Poverty is your own fault. People deserve to starve to death or die of hypothermia. If ‘we’ bomb them they are the evil ones whether they are trying to hurt us or just live.
That’s Western morality, your morality. Just think about it.


Well am completely immobile now with this fibro attack. Too exhausted to move. Too much pain to properly sleep. Need hands, arms, feet and legs chopping off. Like the monty python knight.
Feeling miserable but not sad, weak but determined, irate but not angry, frustrated but calm.
Its now that I truly remember that I am ill, that this is a disability and that I cannot live as before. I will again forget.
The last rays of a wasted day are now seeping into my bedroom. My open door showing the dark bleak passage out from where I am to where I need to be.
This disease, syndrome or whatever the hell it is truly does isolate us from friends, from focus, from meaning, from reality and yes from life.
Don’t send hugs for today even hugs will hurt.
See you when this is over


3am the quietest of hours. Sitting here with the gentle hum and trickling sounds of my fish tanks filters. The blue glow from a night light over one of the habitats. If i look close enough can see the younger guppies darting in and out of the weeds. Their own world. A micro civilisation of sorts.
The tank has its own hierachy , but not really one you would expect. The smaller but more numerous young guppies even pushing older sword tails and a small white angel about. The larger sucking loach being like a grumpy granddad with all reluctantly giving in to his occasional outbursts.
At 3am I can imagine myself in their world. Vying for a position of power in their small world. The two tanks in the bedroom have my smaller fish in one and a lone aggressive large Angel in the other.
My big tank in the living room is a whole different world. In that there are fish but also frogs. There is a big shark (related to sprats and herring but resembling a Shark) a very active Sailfin Molly, various different types of the larger of the tetra family, a few plecs n catfish including an eel like one and an albino Cory, a gourami, and four frogs of different sizes. The big Angel became too aggressive for this tank hence his now solitary existence.
I am no expert on my fish but generally unless they are attacked they seem happy. They get fed and cleaned out and come to see me at the glass.
They tell me when its feeding time. We are told fish have no memory but mine definitely do. My Shark – ‘Richard’ named by my son as he is largest fish in the tank and its a play upon Moby Dick, comes chatting to me. Its easy to imagine him and molly having conversations with me (its ok I don’t listen to them too often lol).
I change all the tanks about fairly frequently and have introduced more plants of late. The fish seem to love this. The frogs definitely do, they have become bolder less elusive. They swim about and at times just floating on the surface, only needing a miniature beer can and hawaiian shirts to complete the picture.
I love each of these little worlds, they are far simpler and generally more happy than our own. Bullies and killers straight away identified and incarcerated in solitary. Their own rules. But even these worlds having a belief system. A god. The being that comes along and pronounces arbitrary justice, changes the physical state of the world, cleans their streets and feeds them. This supreme one even dictates whether its night or day for them. They do not complain, do not argue over differences in their own interpretations of when changes will happen or when they will be fed next or even by whom. They just accept it, and get on with their lives.
Their world is far far simpler than our and for that I truly envy my fish.
But more than that I love them, I love that they give me a different view on my world, they divert my thoughts from pain, from lethargy. My fish and Gayle my Gecko give me a forced routine, a reason for moving even when my body tells me I cannot. My role is to ensure my fish and Gayle are fed and cared for. I do this every day. If I have to crawl to get there I still do it. Its not a chore its motivation. I currently have few reasons to get out of bed. These wonderful creatures ensure I do even on my worst days.


My belief.
Do I believe in a god? No but if you do good.
Do I believe in heaven? Maybe we shall see.
Do I believe in more than this? Hell yes.
I believe in a soul
I believe in nature
I believe in science
I believe in good and evil
I believe in magic
I believe in life
I believe in reality
I believe in fantasy
But most of all I believe in you. My friends, my connection, in people.
I don’t care what you believe in, whether your Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Wicken, whatever.
If you are my friend I shall be there for you. I shall cherish you even if we rarely speak. If you need me I will be there. If you are a person you are until I find otherwise my friend. I am there for all my friends in any way I can be.
A friend is not defined by clothes, wealth, colour, culture, race, ability, religion, sexuality or gender. A friend to me is someone that does me no wrong, that respects me as I respect them, that knows to come to me when they need me.
If you are my friend I welcome you into my life.