Crisis

I am not suggesting we do not vaccinate, people I am sure have their own ideas, but saw this point made by a friend on here. 
Their post stated “we can vaccinate the world but not feed the starving” and its true.
It’s the biggest show of self interest and greed ever.
Firstly people have been starving to death all over the globe through famine, poverty and war since the dawn of time, yet for at least the last hundred years maybe more it could have been ended, and no that’s not communism that’s humanitarianism.
Yes maybe the rich may not still have been ultra rich and be able to taxi each other into space, though likely they still would, but whatever the cost these excuses for people would still have more money that we the masses will ever see, and more than we could spend in several lifetimes.
We have been and continue to be conned on a global scale.
Let’s consider the pandemic, we know the big pharmaceutical companies were arguing on how much profit they would make, we also know they ensured legal get out clauses were in place before they agreed to any level of cooperation. Even then poorer nations struggled, despite the empty promises of world leaders to get any vaccine to them,  once we were receiving it here, in the so called “Western world” for a time they got none.
We also know in the UK alone several politicians, families and friends of cabinet members not only tried but succeeded in profiteering on essential PPE, which was supposed to save lives of not only the nurses, doctors, ambulance, police, fire, care workers, service personnel,  elderly, disabled, vulnerable. Children, families, bus drivers, taxi drivers, shop workers, warehouse staff, …well everyone including you by reducing risk. The PPE sourced by these corrupt individuals to replace PPE stocks that were beyond their use by dates by several years, due to inept oversight of organisations with too many upper and middle managers, was either also beyond its use by dates or not fit for purpose.
Luckily here in Britain we the public have a basic instinct to pull together in times of crisis, unlike the establishments view to pull in cash. Thousands of voluntary cottage industries set up, with no money changing hands to make, supply and distribute PPE, that was of a far higher standard than anything our government was sourcing.
I know a lot about this as I was the founder of a voluntary group of bikers and soon other folk who sourced and distributed PPE in conjunction with these kind souls who were themselves getting in debt to ensure people and their families were being kept as safe as possible.
The masks we were distributing were of a quality recognised by the World Health Organisation and we were registered with the government as distributors.
The scrubs were sourced all over the UK and we worked with the biggest and smallest Volunteer manufactures.
We had 3D printed face shields with the people printing them spending thousands of pounds of their own money to buy printers, materials and even patterns.
Our Voluteer Riders we believe managed to distribute over 10,000 000, yes ten million pieces of PPE at no cost whatsoever to the recipients, whether hospitals, care homes, midwives, schools or individuals. In fact we were and remain totally cashless.
The miles travelled would take you to the sun and back several times, using, motorbikes, cars, vans, wagons and even a plane. The cost all out of the volunteers own pockets. There was and is no profiteering here. These people continue to bolster my faith in humanity.
Remember at the start of the pandemic, the financial issues were put before the human issues, profit before people, by not just the inept fool we have as a prime minister but all his cabinet and sadly several of the laughingly called “official opposition”.
Currently there are several crisis’ in the UK today, from the bizarre rescue of Bulb Energy, which some will say is because they use renewable energy but in my humble opinion is more likely about protecting shareholders, to the human beings, which the media will continue to dehumanize by calling migrants, not people or even refugees who drowned in the English Channel. If the government had their way with their immoral and illegal orders to the Navy and RNLI (Royal National Life Boat Institution) there would be far more of these vile “accidents”.
We need now to put a stop to this greed. Life success should not be measured by wealth but morality. The true hero’s should not be those seeking fame or fortune, they should be those giving to us all each day through effort, risk, pain, and sacrifice.
No one in the world should starve, in particular there should be no such thing as poverty, no need for food banks or homeless shelters in a country with such wealth as is held within the UK establishment.
We bailed out the banks several years ago, that  gave the Conservatives an excuse for austerity, cuts to the most vulnerable within our society, austerity remains, yet the bankers once more get huge bonuses, and their shareholders massive payouts. When will these corrupt institutions be forced to bail us out?
Enough really has to be enough.
We need to now truly come together, friends, families, communities, villages, towns, counties, countries, the United Kingdom needs to unite against greed, corruption, cruelty and yes murder. Until we do things will only ever get worse. Not a world I want my kids to live within.
Jonesy

#immigration

Sorry but Grace Darling will be not just turning but spinning in her grave at so many folk right now. The disrespect I am seeing for the RNLI and yes the Navy for refusing to obey inhuman orders to allow people to drown in the sea is beyond shameful.
Whether you are racist or not surely a human life is paramount.
People are blaming these two amazing organisations for doing exactly what we should be proud of them for.  We now have a government trying to order the lifeboats and navy to leave people to drown. Kinda puts it in perspective, if not maybe have a little jaunt in a unseaworthy  boat off the east coast and see how it feels for you.
People wanted Brexit to close our borders off, you know the ones we open wide when we are in economic need of migrants. Well folks it didn’t work, all that did was remove the cooperation of other countries to assist in the processing and return of those not assessed as genuine political or humanitarian refugees.
I know the media keep showing you pics of what they say are “muslim” youths with suits and mobile phones. But maybe think who the media are owned by and represent, definitely not you or me.

There are issues with immigrants in the UK, I admit, as there likely would be if we migrated abroad, but look why those issues exist, ghettoising people, people having to sneak in with no money, no belongings and no way of legally obtaining money or support.
Scared and battle scarred people. Broken communities, broken families and broken individuals.

I personally now have to live with PTSD after holding my brother minutes after he died in resus. Yet many of these folk from Syria, Afghanistan,  Iraq and all the other places our government have been involved in attacking have seen their families, friends, children, parents and siblings killed and maimed by our bombs or munitions such as mines, fragmentation bombs, phosphorus,  blast and incendiary weapons supplied by us, some even gassed using recipes devised at Porton Down. They don’t just relive one moment but entire lives every time they trigger- as do so many our troops who have seen it first hand, and also receive no support of those in our establishment who truly are responsible.

So in short if the #UKBORDERFORCE and immigration teams can identify those economic migrants that quite wrongly are as naive as Dick Whittington and believe our streets are lined with gold and not food banks, a destroyed NHS, cruel benefit (entitlement) system, and the most corrupt elitist government in the entire world (which given the USA, Italy, Russia,  China and even North Korea is kinda horrific) then process them and return them to point of origin. If they cannot be returned due to risk to safety and life work with other countries (like the EU was set up to do) to make agreements and realistic quotas. But DO NOT allow anyone to die due to our insecurities, hate and fear.

Depression

What I truly despise about PTSD, depression, anxiety, loss, pain, crohns, my heart issues and fibro is people see them as inconsequential and choices. They assume if you dare to share their effects upon you that you are being weak or attention seeking.

Well Saturday I was being strong by letting folk know through my posts. I was fighting one of the hardest enemies any of us can face, ourselves.

I did not do any of the things my mind was telling me, no actually demanding I do. I reached out and some fabulous folk recognised it was bad and responded, some people missed it and sadly a very few others likely didn’t care. Some of those particular people being those that share all the supposed mental health awareness posts.

That’s no matter now, I got through the weekend, I am still here, I am not suddenly well though, every single day right now is a constant battle where triggers, walls, mist, and blocked pathways are the weapons my brain uses to overwhelm my decision making, my motivation and sadly too often my argument to take another breath.

I am no worse off than countless others, and probably better off than many in some ways, and I promise this in so many ways is not about me, its about not being too late to recognise friends and just how things are developing for them.

I fight each day, for me it would really be so easy, a simple extra this, or more of that. I have sat planning far more than once, but so far on the whole have been able to find another road that may offer even if briefly some small semblance of hope.

I see folk and they see a joker, a confident possibly arrogant self opinionated bloke, with good friends and a nice bike. And yes that I’d mainly the me I choose to project when out and about, but I absolutely swear that is only 5% of the true me.

I have remained here with difficulty by remembering I am a parent and son, but recently I have begun to realise in my case that is not how I am seen by those involved in those relationships, so that defence wanes daily.

The person I project face to face is possibly the me I would like to be, however the one I am is fighting a constant war withing a limbo of despair and clouds.

I like everyone have little say in how long I remain, and it may be minutes, days, months or decades, in some ways its no longer about length of time, its about manner, whether I continue to hold my own or whether the illnesses prevail.

Today I am not finding holding on as hard as Saturday, but it still is a struggle and the inner conflict rages on and on.

Jonesy.

Government cruelty

I see the DWP are threatening claimants again.
They will it seems be monitoring people not only parking near their homes and filming them but also monitoring social media and recording conversations.

Now I have issue with this on many levels. Why? Well firstly chronic illness and disability means that every day is a challenge for people. It means that they have to adopt means of trying to live a normal life that others observing them will have no inkling of.

For instance I have various chronic health issues including crohns disease, out of control diabetes, neuropathy, Fibromyalgia, COPD, asthma, anxiety, depression and PTSD, to name a few.

My crohns means life is not easy, it restricts not only my diet but all my life choices. I need to plan journeys with toilets in mind, to be prepared for worse outcomes. At the moment I am in remission but that is due to taking extremely strong medication that damages my body and removes my immune system. One of these meds is listed as a poison.
Can you see that? I think and hope not.

My diabetes means I have to take insulin. I have to monitor myself all the time. My blood sugars can go from 2 all the way to 32 in the space of an hour. I can be having a hypo where they are dangerously low to a hyper where they are dangerously high. A hyper can bring on keytoneacidosis which is the very thing that ultimately killed my 35yr old brother a year and a bit ago.
The diabetes can not only effect stability, mood….swinging from happy to angry to agitated to frustrated, but also my consciousness. Luckily I can feel the signs of a hypo reasonably early on and treat it in a suitable way, which is the only reason I am still allowed to drive.
Can you see that? Sometimes maybe.

Neuropathy and retinopathy are both side effects of poor controlled diabetes. Why is it poorly controlled? Well the diet for that and crohns are at odds with each other. It means choices of whether I risk days, weeks or months of being attached to the toilet or I have the same periods of low and high blood sugars and keytones.
The neuropathy is nerve damage that causes pain which also means I get tired, sleep deprived, can’t stand the feel of clothing or bed sheets and do not always feel pain through damage especially to my feet. That can lead to sepsis and ultimately amputation.
The retinopathy is ongoing damage to my eyes. Can you see that? I doubt it.

Fibromyalgia, well what can I say about this? I thought before I personally had it that it was a made up condition. That it was in people’s minds. How wrong was I?
Fibro more than any other illness has stolen my life from me. It is this that means I am in constant pain, and I mean constant. Not a second goes by which is pain free but it’s how manageable it is at that point. Some days I can cope with or even without the fast acting painkillers I am prescribed such as codeine, morphine and oxy. Other days, the days you will not see me I cannot. I also daily take other meds that run in the background to combat the pain.
Fibro means I feel like I have lava and ice running through my veins at the same time. It is a constant ache, but the word ache does not come close to describing the pain.
Alongside of that, is exhaustion, it come in waves and can last a few hours to several weeks. There are times people do not see me for weeks on end because I am at best housebound. This exhaustion means I can’t think to do basic tasks from cooking to toileting. Housework becomes a no go.
Brain fog is another effect that hits me. I can be in mid conversation and forget everything I am talking about. Think how frustrating and embarrassing that can be. Think how hard that makes having the confidence to leave the house. Yet I do when I can.
Fibro means I cannot walk without pain, my muscles are weak and my senses can be dulled. The constant pain means a constant state of fight or flight within my body.
Can you see this? Occasionally maybe but likely not.

I have a diagnosis of COPD, but this along with asthma have improved with 10yrs of not smoking, of ensuring I have my meds with me, but even so I am often breathless and cannot venture off to places I would have loved in the past. It can be scary and when I get an attack which now thankfully is rare I can panic even now.
Can you see this? When I am having an attack yes.

Anxiety, well people truly have no understanding or often empathy for mental health issues of any kind. Anxiety is surely just being a bit nervous at times, flighty even? Anxiety can’t kill, can it?
Think again. Anxiety is horrific. It makes you over think everything. It is living in a constant state of panic, from seeing a car parked outside and imagining you are about to be attacked, robbed or being erm…spied upon by the DWP, to hiding when the mail comes and refusing to open any letters.
A knock on the door can build to terror and there can be days I don’t open my curtains in an attempt to hide from the outside world. It means sleep may not come despite not being able to escape from my bed. It can mean I do not communicate through suspicion of who may say what to who. Scenarios build in my head causing my vivid imagination to become the worst of enemies to my mind. Anxiety causes extreme stress, and yes stress does kill.
I try to rationalise myself out of anxiety but that then has an adverse effect upon my depression.
Can you see that? Probably not.

Depression, well its just being a bit down isn’t it? Just a simple need to pull myself together, chin up, think happy thoughts?
Sadly not. Infact all of the glib sayings are not only unhelpful but are damaging, so please think before spouting them.
Depression is not a state of mind, it is not a mood. Depression to me often becomes a huge dank castle of despair as real as my little bungalow.
It’s damp grey black walls covered in wet moss and grime. It is a place of no easy escape. A place where hope falters and despair becomes my only companion.
Depression can hit me at any time, it has even enveloped me in a dark fog simple walking across the market to get a bag of chips, and has meant I lost all idea of time and direction. People became shadows. Buildings disappeared.
I cannot ever hope to describe all of the effects of depression, because as with trying to convey the greatest of love, words do not quite cover it.it is as I said loss of hope, it is darkness, it is losing sight of any path forward or indeed back. Reality becomes enveloped within it. Time has no meaning and it finds ways to undermine any form of lucid or rational thought. Depression physically hurts, it brings on immense pain from within. It steals all positivity, all emotion save the dark ones. It drains motivation and at times, all too often for me and so many others it steals our worth from us, we see the world as improving if we are no longer resident within it.
It matters nought who cares or love us, yet we crave reassurance, warmth and contact.
Depression likely is the greatest killer of humans upon the planet and certainly has come close to taking me more than once. It is my constant companion and triggers without obvious cause.
I know this enemy all to well and battle it constantly.
Can you see it? For many no.

PTSD, well this was a direct effect of holding my departed brother in my arms. It is a constant reminder of the resuss room, of holding him in my arms and feeling his sweat upon my skin.
PTSD triggers every single day and though often I can pretend to ignore it the hurt is so hard to bear.
I cannot describe this beyond pain and tears. It has elements of guilt, of regret but in my case is a longing to have him back, to be able to tell him again I love him. To see him help his young son grow up and develop.
As I write this last part my eyes are welled and the pain once more has triggered.
This likely will never leave me but in an odd way does keep every detail of Robert clear in my mind. I just wish it did not hurt this much.
Can you see this? I hope not and hope you never experience it.

These are my personal reasons for being angered at the constant announcements of being watched, monitored and spied upon. Another reason is that this tactic of government to lay blame for economic ills upon the most vulnerable within our society again distracts from the very real and huge amounts the governments own corruption robs our country of. Ministers, their families, corporations and even foreign governments all benefitting from their dodgy dealings yet they seek to lay blame, instill hatred against the sick and disabled making them feel guilt and self loathing for trying on their better days to have some scant enjoyment of life. To make their existence to amount to more than wake and sleep within the prison of their illness.

So yes on my better days I may choose to live. You may see me as being ‘normal’, you will not see my pain, my exhaustion, my fear, my anxiety, my despair, my trigger. But I assure you it is all there, it will be simply upon this day, the day you see me I will be hiding it better than others.

Jonesy.

I can’t live

What gives us, our representatives or any country or person the right to kill, bomb or invade anyone. Human life is human life. Life is important, more important than anything else. I can’t carry on being part of a society that ignores this and not only robs people of their futures but causes such unbearable pain to those they leave behind.
There should be no need nor excuse for war or state sanctioned murder.
When I lost my brother the pain I felt was new, terrible and beyond anything I ever felt, even beyond the losing of two babies at full term and holding them after they were born.
The pain of loss is not just emotional, or even mental, but is truly physical too.
Life is hard enough, we all will die, some of unavoidable accidents, some naturally, some of disease such as the vile Covid, some through other chronic or serious illness. No one however should ever lose their lives due to the deliberate actions of a government, whether at home or abroad.
In the UK we may not have capital punishment, but we have Austerity, poverty and leaders so corrupt that they deliberately gamble lives against their profiteering each day.
We have a government that happily profits from war, from selling arms, vehicles and even sends troops as ‘advisors’ to train and prop up evil and cruel regimes. A government happy to place out own troops at risk, not for defence, but for oil, for sales, for power, for grooming dictators and unelected self professed monarchs.
We go to war at the bidding of foreign powers without a thought of the lives we will lose or take, the hardship and torture we as a nation will and continue to cause.
This is what destroys me, that and the cruelty of then putting our service men and women, our poor, our vulnerable, our physically and mentally ill on the streets with no support, whilst the quaffers of our leaders and their banker friends grow exponentially.
This is not because I am a socialist, not because I identify as left wing, but because I am a human who believes in life, in people, in humanity. Nothing more.
This is why I cannot accept that I cannot do anything to change things, I cannot pretend things will be OK, I cannot continue to be recognised as a citizen of this truly unjust society.
Jonesy.

‘2020’ hindsight, still a bit fuzzy?

Remember if we had locked down in February, if we had not had a corrupt government giving mates contracts and paying them our money to steal from us, if we had a prime minister and opposition with a backbone, if we had mandatory masks in February, closed schools, airports, ferries, stopped unnecessary travel even if it was to drive across the UK to test our eyes, if we had a primate minister who did not hide, a government that told the truth, that followed medical guidence, that put human life before their bank accounts and status amongst their friends, Royals that had the guts to shout ‘no’ rather than saying they want to be reincarnated as a killer virus, if we had a nation of people with common sense, prepared to social distance, wear masks rather than stand clapping the nurses, doctors, paramedics, keyworkers as those very live savers died on their feet, if we had a media that itself did not publish fake news and propaganda, if we had a government that had not run down all the health and social care services in the name of Austerity whilst paying for missiles we can never use, if we had focused upon our real enemies instead of a few refugees and migrants, not hating folk because of their gender, sexuality, race, culture, ability, if we had prioritised our families and not our possessions, then maybe, just maybe so many families would not be feeling the pain of loss, the fear of loss, the anxiety of even opening their doors. If we did not live in a country that treats its sick, elderly, disabled and vulnerable as scum, a drain, expendable maybe we would have seen the warning signs and acted upon them.
Yes hind sight is always ‘2020’ , (ironic hey) but looking back it’s easy to be made to believe the mistakes were accidental, not the fault of those in charge, unavoidable.
Just to be clear, the Conservative Government, the Prime Minister, the Leader of the Opposition, the press, and the businessmen asset stripping the UK made no ‘accidental mistakes’. Their behaviour was and is deliberate. They are culpable. They should be accountable, but unless we hold them to account now they will kill many many more.
Jonesy

COVID19 EXISTS! SO STOP BEING STUPID.

Daily we are hearing of friends neighbours and their families suffering or sadly losing the battle of Covid19. My heart goes out to those who are ill, dying or have died.
I know too well the pain of the families and loved ones who have died due to it, the worry and helplessness of the relatives of those who are suffering. I also know the fear of being a parent whose kids both tested positive and a son of parents who will be extremely vulnerable to the symptoms of this foul virus.
This morning I cried at seeing one of my friends on Facebook losing his wife yesterday to it.
I am heartened by so many humans who are doing all they can to protect and safeguard others, whether they are paramedics, nurses, doctors, porters, shop workers, caterers, those involved in keeping the infrastructure that protects us all, bus drivers, home carers, support workers, social workers, residential staff, teachers and school staff, taxi drivers, delivery drivers, and the amazing volunteers providing and delivering food, medicines and in the case of Volunteer Riders UK, the sewers manufacturers and others completely free PPE to all in need.

If you deny Covid19 exists, if you think its all a ploy then you need to open your eyes. If you try to discredit those who are putting their lives on the line, or belittle those lost to life then you really best keep away from me.

Covid19 is real, it is deadly, it is killing folk. Its that simple. If you put others at risk due to selfish behaviour then you may not call me friend.

Be sensible, be safe, protect yourselves and others. Do not take unnecessary risks, and please stay well.

Jonesy.