Category: Uncategorized

I know the virus is scaring us all, and understandably but what about the men, women and children we are killing with our bombs and by selling our weapons? We are worse than any virus.

We are allowing and supporting Israel to kill Palestinians, Saudi to bomb the hell out of the people of the Yeoman, we blew Iraq to bits for control of oil, Syria, the list goes on, we have troops in country all over the globe. How many have we been responsible for killing?

It is scary because the virus takes no sides. It doesn’t care how big or well trained your army is, how many hi tech ships or planes you have.
The virus has shown all borders can be crossed.

I would be interested to know whether we or the virus kill more folk over a set period. I suspect with greed, sanctions here and abroad, inactivity and deliberate corruption within government it will be us.

Our own government has already killed over the last five years between 300,000 to 500,000 people through Austerity, sanctions and the hostile environment towards the most vulnerable.

So feel free to profiteer by selling overpriced items that you have bulk bought from shops, to steal essentials to sten the virus like had gel or other items, for in my eyes you and our pathetic weak and inept corrupt government are the true virus.

I truly hope some of us “expendables” are alive to see karma take its toll.

Jonesy.

After years in social work and before that working with kids involved in gangs and the like, seeing and yes experiencing poverty and now the death of someone so close to me we shared dreams literally, I often cope with horror by using humour. Not always to folks taste but stops me going under. So if my humour offends I apologise but suggest instead of stropping out at me or others you just unfollow, unfriend or block.
No one who worked as long on the front line of abuse, violence and exploitation could carry on working without seperating that reality from the world’s morality. I believe nurses, firefighters, ambulance staff, soldiers and yes even my hated police do similar. And as long as they have compassion and humanity too then it to me is rational and fine.
So I know this virus, hoarding, isolation and even Brexit are scaring folk, I get the jokes offend and if they are discriminatory they offend me too, but given I have 3 autoimmume conditions, two heart conditions and take immune surpressants and am likely to die in the first wave if I catch it I think I and others are entitled to use humour to stick two fingers up at their fear and laugh at it. I shall continue to do so. And I promise if I meet pestilence and death I will give them a slap for us all and nick their horses.

I am not minimising folks concerns about this virus. If I get it as a aging male with  3 autoimmune conditions, also asthma and heart issues I likely won’t be here, when I speak or post it’s about perspective and folk realising the virus is but another issue the sick and disabled in the UK have to contend with. Life already is scary enough for anyone who is vulnerable in the UK. We have a government intent upon its own form of genocide, instead of SS and the Brown-shirts they use the DWP with unrealistic, cruel systems and sanctions.

People are scared to speak out incase they are singled out, and it seems a society that through years of reading the Sun, Mail, watching TV such as Trisha, Kyle, Benefits Britain and all the other crap that is designed to make the poor, sick and disabled look like corrupt scroungers, whilst our ‘brave MP’s’ fight to keep them in their place, truly has been brainwashed to see victimisation of these people as not only acceptable but moral.

Yes this virus is scary, yes we need to take precautions, yes we are seeing selfish and scared alike panic buying, and yes in 1911 oi think it was 1911} millions did die of Flu, but to me the virus right now is not the only nor worst thing we have to worry about.
People talk of ‘self isolation’, well sadly most of  those in my position, life can be just that. If our physical conditions don’t stop us doing things the depression and anxiety that accompanies chronic illness does.

I write a lot, making a big thing of my days out. Getting out to me is a huge thing. There are weeks and yes months every year I rarely leave my bed never mind my house. I am not alone in that. I in fact am lucky because I currently have days where I manage or rather juggle everything so that I can pretend to the world and to a degree me, that I am not in constant pain, am not exhausted, not so scared of human interaction that if someone said boo to me it would trigger the dilemma of fight or flight. I am usually lucky enough to be able to hold the fight response down and favour flight but that’s hard. Again I am not the only person by a very long stretch this happens to.

So when you read a comment from me that appears to minimise people’s worries about risks to health or even to seem flippant at such concerns I am not being.

My Brother, my 35yr old kid brother died of a health issue that could have been managed if health, emergency staff and social care had acted professionally, morally and responsibly. He could have not been abused in a relationship if he felt it was OK for a man to speak out. He could have survived if people had recognised the plain signs of his body shutting down instead of him being accused of being drunk (despite not drinking). He could have got help if he had not been judged by a bigoted society. He could have prevented our pain if he had not been vilified by society and the agencies that supposedly are there to protect us.

So yes the virus scares me too, because I know the pain and hole my family will suffer if it takes me, I truly know the fear of self isolation. I am fully aware that that isolation will be likely in itself a contributing factor in my subsequent death due to the effects upon my mental health through not leaving the home that already feels to be a prison, along with the very real fact that as a disabled, ill human being in today’s Britain I cannot afford to stock up with supplies, to panic buy, to hoard food. I live with what I have each day.

So I apologise if I seem to minimise people’s fears. I am not trying to. I am trying to keep perspective and a focus upon the every day, every single day fears we as those seen as without value to the government and so many of our fellow humans constantly have to deal with.

I know folk are scared. I am scared. Sadly not for me as to me losing my life right now would not feel a loss, but for the effects that loss would have on my children, my parents and those that love and care for me. I am also  petrified of losing them to virus or anything else, my parents are in their late seventies. Both my kids have asthma. I know I would not cope with the loss of any of them.

We all have a right to be scared. But let’s focus on all the reasons not just the ones we are told to.

Thank you for reading. Feel free to share or not

JONESY.

The rich usually come from the rich. They have morality of greed as their driving factor. We are offal to them. No value. A pest to exterminate. Do not see their morality as having any semblance to yours.
The wealth of the one percent could easily end all hunger in this world but instead in finances lavish lifestyles and rests in tax haven accounts whilst millions die each year of malnutrition.
Do not think your life has any meaning to them. Once the masses were there to serve them and be their workforce. Now they have robots for manufacture and computers to manage their lives. Even their homes are run from their mobile phones. They still may need a few of us for personal care but with automated cars even infrastructure doesn’t require human interface.
Yes we are a measure of their wealth and power but a few hundred mere mortals in hovels will suffice for that.
I have seen evidence in that variants of the corona virus were designed by people and hold patents. In fact British people, scientists working in Britain for a private company. It was designed to allow hens with avian flue to continue to lay eggs. Battery farming.
We are worthless, a hinderence and an ecological as well as a materialistic drain upon their world. We are vermin to be exterminated.
It truly is that simple.
Now not all billionaires may think like this but the long term rich families the ones that truly are the ‘Establishment’ are brought up to think they are our gods, and they are the people that hold the true power today. Yes Bill Gates is mega rich but he is Nuevo Rich, Boris, Cameron even the Queen and her clan are the true Establishment. Boris is not bright but he is bereft of any human empathy. We are his playthings. He in himself is just an expendable poor cousin of the true power holders. In years gone by he would have gone into the church or been eliminated in some wasteful battle with a bought commission.
The Queen allowed trump into her Palace many times before he was president as he is likely an elder in the US Establishment. Remember the USA is a young country still.
The reason Russia was hated was that they killed their Establishment off, but sadly it was replaced with less experienced sociopathic predators.
To these people we are pawns on a chess board, and remember the pawns are there to give the Kings and Queens more power by laying down their worthless lives.
I have no doubt this will be seen as fantasy by some of you, maybe a raving of some nut, but it’s how I more and more see this world and especially the UK.
We are not assets any longer to the big mill owners. We are the rats eating the land owners crops.
A government now in power wanting to remove human rights, employees rights, tenants rights, health care, Entitlements for the sick, disabled and vulnerable and who use our public police force to protect their assets not the public safety.
Let’s be clear I might not have all the answers but I do have enough sense to see my place in this world. Do you?
JONESY.

So the Tories are saying NHS cannot afford to cure everyone if pandemic takes hold so sick and disabled will not be treated. That’s me dead then. NAZI doctrine.

No life is worth more than another. Not yours or mine, and not even the Queen or Boris have more right to life than any of us.

So Boris if I am to likely die what reason have I got to respect or obey your laws? If I am valueless and to you have no right to life why should I or anyone respect your rights?

You are showing that genocide is within your personal so called moral stance as is with beating, bullying and corruption. Ooops I forgot about taunting homeless folk and bigotry including racism.

As I see it you are a disease blighting Britain. You are far more dangerous than any pandemic.

Just to be clear I am not making threats or inciting folk. I am trying to make sense of a 21st century world where the likes of you hold power and are not challenged by the people or press.

Your own often fanatical Tories hold you in contempt as a joke. Sadly you are not a joke, you are a cruel, callous, self serving corrupt murderer of the same ilk as Hitler, Mussolini and Himmler. You are truly dangerous to not only the British people but all life on our damaged and suffering planet.

If I was your judge I would have no second thoughts of condemning you like you seem intent of condemning me and every other vulnerable person in the UK and abroad.

Scum truly does rise to the top.

If I am to die because of your policies as my brother did, I will not slip away quietly. You will know I am gone.

Again no threats just a promise to the world that I see my life as more than you do so I will live and die if need be by holding my head high and making a difference.

I am but one voice from many legions of people. I am not alone, are you?
Again no threats, no incitement just a old man’s musings on his place in this world.

Jonesy.

OK so there seems to be a thing about people falsely claiming benefits.

I can only talk for me. On a good or rather better day you will see me out on motorbike that to be honest is easier than driving a car and does me more physical good. My specialists tell me to ride as much as I can because it keeps me moving without any major effort. I do hurt getting on and off but whilst riding my thoughts are not often on the pain. I don’t have to lift my bike up nor has any got a kick start. I press a button. Without my bike I would be more isolated and anxious and likely would never leave my home at all.

On my better days I am not without pain I just am managing it better and yes can hide it too. No one likes someone sitting with them crying or groaning so I try not to.

On my not so good days I need my crutches or a stick. Mostly you will not see me then unless I have managed to get to a shop.

On the bad days I need a wheelchair which an OT assessment provided. You will definitely not see me then. On my Truly bad days I remain in bed in excruciating pain crying, writhing and yes screaming.

All my illnesses are invisible and you will rarely see the effects of them on me because we learn very well to hide them.

So what can make me have to endure such pain?
My diagnosed illnesses are:
1 Fibromyalgia
2 Crohs disease
3 Diabetes on insulin (part of the cause of my       brothers death in December)
4 COPD
5 SVT of the heart
6 Angina
7 Anxiety and Depression
8 PTSD
9 Asthma
10 Neuropathy
11 Retinopathy
12 first Bite Syndrome
13 Hypertension – hig blood pressure

I could give a list of drugs. Dietary needs. Mobility issues. Embarrassing side effects. I could describe how the Anxiety and Depression make me want to die, but how now even that choice has been taken from me. How I cannot face people at times, I cannot keep many friendships because I can’t face folk. How the constant chronic pain which even Morphine and Oxy have no effect upon drives you to screaming despair, how u cannot plan hour to hour never mind day to day or week to week. I could I for. You of the inability to see any future, the knowledge I am unemployable because on top of all this I get brain fog and now flash backs that can come at any time and destroy me there and then.

I could tel you that everytime I go anywhere I am at risk of soiling myself. That I carry a card to beg leave to use a loo in a shop when desperate, or that I might need to wee every few minutes when my sugars are high.
I could try to explain how I can collapse suddenly or even pass out if SVT is bad. My normal or usual pulse rate is 98 it can go to 200.

I could explain this all and more like the side effects of diabetes causing the need for circumcision, the loss of sensation, the loss of libido, interest.

I could go on and on, with things like muscle deterioration that means I cannot do most things I enjoyed doing, cannot walk distance, cannot hike or rock climb. I cannot canoe any more. I can’t even undo nuts or bolts. Some days can’t bloody dress myself.

I need a heightened toilet which means often I spill, causing the need to bath or shower 3 to four times a day.

When I do get out if on crutches or stick I risk being physically attacked. It’s happened 4 times and not once dis I get support from the police or Courts.

Now you are not my doctors. If I had not told you all this you would never see it. You might even now not believe it.

Before I got ill I had a career with very good wages, prospects and I more importantly had self pride, self worth and yes a reason to get up and be here. I made a difference. I did not give that up to live of nothing without any value to myself never mind society.

Again you may not believe it for its my life not yours. You are just reading these words, I am not sadly just writing them I am living them.

So before you judge folk and call them scroungers, ask yourself what is their life, what’s their story. If they were in plaster or had limbs removed you might have sympathy, but because they look OK Al you see is ‘Scrounging waste of air scum’. Well if that’s true of you please feel free to live my life. Because rto be honest I would give everything to live as I did. Everything, but sadly I cannot.

Please think before you accuse and I promise no one would choose to be sick, vulnerable or disabled in British Society today.

In life we learn new lessons most days. On the 29th of December 2019, I learnt the hardest one of my life so far.

My kid brother at 35, (18yrs younger than me) Robert Anthony Jones died. We tried to save him, the police and ambulance tried to save him, the hospital A&E tried to save him. But none of us could. He died in resus.

The doctor and nurse who tried to save him came to talk to me and my dad. When they told us we both broke down. I had never experienced such emotional pain or had been so overwhelmed with emotion that my body shut down and I collapsed to the floor with screams and tears. I could not believe it. I cannot say how my dad felt beyond it must have been worse for him.

We then went to see him in the resus room. I held him whilst he was still warm and wet with sweat. I told him I love him and will always be his brother. I promised to look after his son Alistair, sadly a promise Roberts estranged wife is intent upon me breaking.

This was truly the worst thing I ever had to do, well it was until we got back to my parents house and I had to tell my, our mother that her son is dead.

I have never heard such sounds of complete despair come from the mouth of a human being. She fell to the floor, wailing and sobbing. Both me and dad held her.

Since Roberts death there are hours and even days I don’t cry but when I do I cannot control it. Silly things like making a cup of coffee how he liked it or seeing someone wearing a coat like his, or worse seeing his face in the mirror as I am driving can trigger me.

I hold many people responsible for his death, mainly professionals who should have supported him but are overstretched due to the lie of Austerity. There were two of his so called friends who have raised my suspicion too.

We still have no clear cause of death. There will be an inquest and I am giving a statement to the police tonight.

We have been clearing his home and sadly due to the nature of his illness and how social care let him down it has not been an easy task. My parents are in their late seventies and my own chronic illnesses limit my mobility and ability. We hand the keys in tomorrow.

I am not ‘over’ his death, I never will be, he was my brother and in some small way akin to my son, I break down all too often. My social anxiety is through the roof. The physical and emotional pain have wore me down but that same pain is killing my parents. I am watching them age daily.

We try to stick by each other but the frustration and hurt lead to rows. I look at the loss of life’s glint in their eyes and am so scared I will lose them both too.

If I could keep busy I would but my body doesn’t allow it and my mind will not let me physically heal.

I have never ever felt this pain at loss, its unimaginable. I thought I knew death after many years ago losing two babies at full term with my then wife, but that never prepared me for this.

I want to remember Robert every minute of every hour, I want him to know how much he was loved, but I want the pain to fade. Sadly so far it hasn’t.

Rob was a pain in the arse, his illness made him tetchy and at times verbally aggressive, but he had his morals and loved all his family especially his son.

He was my brother and that’s all that matters. Rob to most, Bob Bob to his nieces and nephews, son to my parents, Brother to our sister Helen, Freddy to me and Daddy to Alistair.

He is missed, he is grieved he is and always will be remembered and loved. My brother.

Jonesy

Death is cruel at any age, in any way. It often leaves such pain to friends and family. I have no idea of what happens to us after death, whether we are judged or just move on. Maybe we just end? Who knows? I don’t. But I do now know the extreme pain of losing someone you love.
This week a celebrity took her own life, I never heard of her as don’t watch that kind of TV and have no idea of the circumstances. I understand she was berated and bullied in the media but know nothing of this beyond a very real and personal knowledge of how immoral the British press truly are.
I don’t care what this young woman had done, I care that the only avenue she could see was to end her life. I care about the despair and hurt her family would be going through in ‘normal’ circumstances without seeing her picture all over the TV, the papers and social media. What they are feeling now given the pain I feel at the loss of my brother I still can only imagine. Most people have been supportive and kind to me and my family, yet to the family of this woman it’s seems many are just repeating the views laid out by others despite how unkind and hurtful they are to her loved ones.
As I say I know nothing of her apart from she was 40ish, on TV and was vilified in the press for some reason. Tbh I am not interested why. She may have been a good or bad person, I cannot judge, but whoever and whatever she was should not mean her family suffer more than they naturally would.
So please please think before you buy into the mass immorality that has swept the UK in recent years and try to think about what truly matters.
We are living in a country where every single hour people are dying or taking their own lives through the inhuman actions of an immoral greed ridden government, so whatever your thoughts on a single celeb or rather a human being as I like to see her, just make a small difference and try to be kind. Your words cannot hurt her but can destroy those who cared about her.
Simon

Well last night saw kids, my best friend and my folks. Went out for my dad’s birthday. Was lovely. My Xmas done now so free to have a lazy time without stress. No pressure or commercialism. It’s been perfect.

If we’ll enough Weds I am getting bike out and just riding til I have to turn back. No idea Thursday yet. I am so glad it’s worked out like this now. I have no expectations so no disappointment. No pressure so no pain. A few days to myself without worry of a knock on the door or a threatening letter. It actually for the first time for me ever might do me some good.

Even house is fairly tidy.

Still scared about my brother but can’t change things for him at the moment. Until he accepts help what will be will be sadly.

I am more worried about the ongoing effects on my folks. Again all I can do is be there if needed.

I have had to come to terms with not changing the world yet but now I have joined the British Association of Journalists I might have more of a voice to effect some change through writing the truth.

Today is a positive day and I am hopeful for the first time in a while that I can turn at least some aspects of my life around. I cannot make myself well. I cannot run a marathon nor walk up a hill. I cannot just cheer up, man up or chin up. Things won’t be better in the morning. I will I fear always live in constant pain and can likely never take a job even part time but I can and will write. I will share my plight and that of others. I can through my experience and the words within me hold this government, society and individuals to account.
Facebook is no longer my only forum.
So anyway I digress. For those of my friends celebrating either the Christian meaning of Christmas, or just following the commercial god of greed please have a wonderful time. My thoughts are truly with you.

For the rest of us let’s wish peace and true caring. Let’s pass on our empathy and understanding to others. Even a simple smile or acknowledgement that you recognise another as being human too can make all the difference.

If you pass a Homeless person on the street don’t just throw money at them, stop, smile and make eye contact, ask them how they are, you might be surprised at the person you meet.

But if you see someone being rude or arrogant, you know the type. I won’t waste time describing their affluence, their attitude then challenge them. If they push you or others speak out. If they are aggressive and self important put them in their place. Show them that humanity does exist, that manners do maketh the humane human. That only the obtuce such as them deserve ridicule.

It’s those little things that are important right now, not wealth or materialism, just humanism.

Well how I see things anyway.

So merry Xmas or not, we all care and please never feel isolated or alone. Me and so many others are here if you need us.

Like I said my Xmas is done, so if you are feeling like you need to shout, scream, cry, laugh or just talk I am here for anyone that needs me. Only ever at the end of the phone. Just be careful though you may end up with a big biker knocking on your door to just pass on that smile.

Take care folks
Jonesy

Just read this in Bristol Live, kinda says it all. Not so much about the individual case of a 70 odd year old filmed delivering catalogues but of how society expects the disabled to be:

‘A “manipulative” man who said he was disabled and claimed almost £90,000 in benefits has been jailed after he was filmed living an

active life.’

So in effect being disabled means you cannot be active, so if on better days you are then you are a criminal. I find that beyond evil.

I personally never ever have a pain free day. Every single day I awake in pain. I have constant peripheral pain in my arms and legs, my feet and hands, my torso and my stomach. On some days I manage that pain, and that’s when folk may see me for an hour and rarely sometimes a little more.

I also am in constant danger of collapse or soiling myself through the effects of a crohns flare up, I have to manage that when trying to plan anything.

I have brain fog meaning I can become confused or forgetful due to my illnesses so that along with the depression and anxiety I constantly battle means I am also socially anxious and nervous. Often avoiding friends and situations where I am likely to be expected to personally interact with others.

Chest pain can cause me to double up and again some of that is anxiety and stress of social situation or trying too hard to support others in my family and the wider society, but also due to heart issues and the SVT that seems to be getting worse. My blood pressure is usually in stage 2 hypertension as well as my pulse anywhere from 95 to at times over 200bpm.

I am controlled by the meds I take from the heavy duty immune suppression tablets meaning I have to avoid infections including the common cold, to the extreme pain killers, and have to juggle the pain meds to avoid addiction and dependency.

I have had to and continue to have to undergo truly embarrassing and at times painful procedures from cameras to having to have minor but life changing surgery such as circumcision.

The constant exhaustion means I cannot plan, cannot join a club or have any organised hobby. I cannot commit to anything at all. When I say exhaustion it’s not just feeling a bit tired, it’s your body reacting as if you have ran three marathons consecutively but not moved from your chair.

Each day I fight to find reason to continue on this path, and some days its a real uncertainty that I will. Of course the Prime Minister Boris Johnson keeps making reference how for mental health issues work is the answer, as in the motto that National Socialist Germany put over the gates of concentration and death camps eradicating the disabled, “work makes you free”.

I know people play the system, but on a day I manage my pain, my mood, my crohns and my heart is not playing up too much (not a good day as I never ever have a good day just a manageable one, unlike today) people will look at me and question how I am disabled. They will likely assume I am fit despite my slow speed and at times confusion.

I am fiercely independentas have little pride left, and will not allow others to undertake my chores within the home nor do my shopping.

They will never see me in my wheel chair because on those days I refuse to leave the house and often crawl from room to room. Very rarely on my crutches and only occasionally when I need my stick. Why? Because whenever I have allowed others to see my vulnerability I have been physically attacked. 5 times that has happened in public places and ond once in my own home. and not once have the police investigated or tried to keep me safe.

So now I hide away if I look ill, or I hide the pain. I dope myself up to undertake basic tasks out of the house but in the home for fear of addiction I just try to grin and bear it until the pain levels become too much or the exhaustion combined with the pain starts to drag me into temptation of taking everything at once. There may be a day that happens and it will not be for attention, it will be through the daily despair I feel.

That’s the life many people will never see of me, and I am but one person, there are millions with crohnic illness and invisible disabilities in the UK and each one of us is living in constant terror that we will either be attacked or arrested for being seen as too ill and therefore vulnerable fair game to this bigoted society, or too well to be disabled or ill therefore a criminal not entitled to the little support we reciev.

Every single day we have to decide if we dare let others see us, or even if we dare show our pain or very occasional joy.

My life is no harder or easier than that of many other disabled folk. Some may mirror mine, some will have different issues but we all fear each day, we fear the pain, the exhaustion, the embarrassment, the anxiety, the confusion that are results of our health conditions but also the threats, aggression, harassment and hatred others within our society focus on us and worse the cruelty our own government and the people that carry out their orders subject us to.

That is what such badly written articles in the press sustain and promote in a society already fuelled by suspicion and hate.

If you are not sick, disabled, ill or vulnerable I pray you never will be. For I would not wish this life upon anyone.

Jonesy