Child Verses Monster

Trigger warning. Sexual abuse of children.

This is about the face of a paedophile, a rapist of a child. This man is the thief of innocence. He destroyed lives. His actions were not about love, attraction, or even sexual gratification. His only motive was to sate his need for power. This is not a man, this is not a human, this is purely a monster, not the monsters that as children we believe hide under our beds, this vile creature and those of his ilk are far worse.
This is the face of a sociopath, he cannot hide behind mental illness, he is not a psychopath, his behaviours are not without conscious thought, they are not a reaction to external substances, his excitement is not sexual, it is about him being dominant over another human being.
Their vulnerability, their innocence, their very life holds no value in his universe, one where he is the central being, and all others only exist to fulfil his needs, his desires, his wishes.
No bogeyman can compare to his evil, even Demons have a master to bow to, but not him. In his mind, he is that master. He truly believes that he is above any lord or God.
This is the face of the thief of innocence, of joy, of hope, of any future that those who survive him may have.
But his reign of terror has come to an end. His world has crashed all around him. The one survivor who had lived a life cursed by his cruelty has now beaten him. Her weapon has not been a sword, a gun, a club, her weapons have been her unmatched strength, her motivation, her morality and beyond all of that her ability to convince the most sceptical of the truth.
The result is one of her fighting back, of her standing against him, of her reaching so deep inside, to relive the horror he imposed upon her, and turn it into strength.
on this journey she had to convince so many, first those she holds dearest to her, then, the counsellors, her GP’s, those who’s view of her was tainted when and if she disclosed, and then the police, who after beginning their investigation based upon her horrifying biography of those despicable events, gathered all the remaining evidence there could be from 57yrs ago, a time before digitised records, a time before children had rights, a time where those we should have been able to trust, were often as bad as those they should have been defending us from. This evidence was then laid before the Crown Prosecution Service, the CPS, who after weighing up her statement along with the facts confirmed by the police investigation, needed to be convinced not only beyond reasonable doubt, but that the case would have over an 80% chance of a conviction of the perpetrator.
This is her statement, her disclosure achieved.
Then the wait began, for over four years she waited, since her making the report, for her words, her truth then being laid bare before the Court, the Judge and a Jury of twelve men and women, twelve strangers, who she would have to address with all that she had experienced from being a very young child, practically a toddler, to her being a teenager. Even then, fate cruelly intervened, and it was adjourned for a further day. Despite all the emotional turmoil, pain, and uncertainty she was experiencing, why? because the defence Barrister had only been given the case and received the Court bundle the previous night.
She then had to relive yet again all that had happened and then answer questions from the defence Barrister that would horrify the hardiest of hearts. The defence called her estranged and abusive husband as a witness, despite him having already given a statement supporting her truth, this surely could only be another immoral act, to attempt to bully her from her path of seeking justice. sadly for the defence it failed, her strength actually bolstered by the realisation that such underhand occurrences could only be bore out of a desperate and forlorn defence.
Even with this realisation and the positive support from the investigating officers and the sexual crimes support worker, there still was uncertainty as to the outcome. After the case was heard, the Jury was dismissed for three days, as the Court had no further availability until the following week, a direct causation of the initial adjournment.
The following Monday, the Jury after deliberation returned a unanimous verdict of guilty.
The monster had been convicted by twelve strangers on four counts, the first of more than three counts of sexual assault on a girl under the age of 16, the second that, on no fewer than three occasions he had unlawful sexual intercourse with a girl under the age of 13, the third that, on no fewer than three occasions he had raped a girl under the age of 16, and finally a count of indecent sexual assault on a girl under the age of 13.
please understand that when it refers to three occasions, that is a legal term. The actual events that destroyed her childhood were significantly more frequent and numerous.
Again the case was adjourned for a further four days, and despite the convictions, he was allowed home, to spend time with his partner, who continued to support him, despite it seems knowing what kind of a creature he is.
When the Court returned for sentancing, the warrior survivor, for only a true heroine could have lived through the very real ordeal which she now had made the world aware of, was going to attend and read out her own Victim Personal Statement, her words of how these cruel actions perpetrated upon the child by the subhuman that he is, had effected not only the child, but the woman that child now is. However, after further consideration in regard to how the convicted piece of scum reacted to situations, she suspected that he would have laid plans to cause her not just distress but physical injury. She knew him well enough for that to be a very real concern, and one that the police could only try to manage.
Due to this, she did not attend. Her words were read out by the CPS Barrister. Her words included these:
I stand before you and you can never see me, for I am the child trapped within. At times I shout so loud, my voice not heard, like a film when the sound is muted! This heavy cloak is choking me, weighing me down from all my fallen tears; I’ve waited my entire life to be found, that feeling of never belonging, not good enough! I see everything, every look, thought, fear and elation of their minds.
And;
Small child, I can see you
Gentle child, I will not hurt you
Beautiful child, it’s time for you to shine
It’s time to stand up, stretch those wings, aim for the sunshine and embrace your freedom.
Small child, I have watched you grow
Gentle child, you are strong and courageous
Beautiful child, I’m so proud of all that you have become
You are my inner child, do not feel scared, for I am here to carry you through. Do not cry as I will never leave your side. Love yourself for you are unique and truly wonderful.
And finally:
I’m lost.
My inner child standing alone, searching and watching, scared frozen and trapped.
I shout so loud, jumping as high as I can, waving my arms whilst tears roll down my face.
Please see me
please hold me
Please love me
I’m here, scared and alone.
They made me feel so ugly, full of disgust and shame.
It wasn’t my fault, I was a child, just a child, and they, were the monsters that broke my heart, ripped at my soul and hurt me.
I want them to know that the child blossomed, this beautiful butterfly, with it’s beauty
shining, catching the glimpse of the chosen who will embrace and appreciate all that I am.
The police stated to the media after sentencing that the sentence terms were bolstered by her impact statement, her voice has now been heard, her journey is no longer but a horror story she had to endure, her words, her account, her life path are now and for ever more seen as the only truth.
The monster’s convictions resulted in one term of 2½ years for sexual assault on a girl under 16, 8yrs for sexual assault on a child under 13, 20yrs for sexual intercourse with a girl under 13, and 20yrs for rape of a girl under 16.
The vile monster is unlikely to survive these prison terms even though concurrent, he will likely serve the entire terms, and if after all that, he is finally released he will be on the Sex Offenders Register for the remainder of his excuse for a life.
This was not an easy journey for her to get this outcome, it often seemed to be impossible to achieve, it was painful, cruel and she was tested at every turn, not only by his actions, but by the oppressive and weighted system that finally gave way to this justice, if there ever is a justice for stealing an entire life from a child.
Her decision to disclose was beyond difficult, during this journey she escaped an abusive marriage, but the cost has been her home, at times those she loves, and her career that she never shall return to. Her livelihood has gone forever.
The damage she endured has not only been physical but emotional and even mental. She now lives with High Level Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, not PTSD as brought on by one traumatic event, but by a lifetime of intense trauma.
She relives her childhood constantly in dreams and can be triggered without any warning, by situations or actions that others would struggle to understand. Her natural reality now is one of constant fight or flight.
She trusts very few, and sadly all too often when she does begin to trust others, often those without true empathy or understanding will betray whatever trust she has given them.
Even to this day her self worth is almost non-existent, but talk about or see her with her children and grandchildren and you will see the amazing magical woman that this child, despite all the cruelty experienced as that child, and ever since, she has ever endured, shine through.
Now she truly can hold her head high and know she is believed. There is no longer any dark secret, especially one she was forced into believing was not only dirty but her burden alone to carry.
She is my hero, and her story will bring strength to so many others forced into living similar pain filled lives.
People can and will listen. They will believe you and many, but too often, as in her case, not all will support you.
Respect is earned, and she has earned mine a million times over.